...When All is Said and Dunn

According to the history of Mother’s Day, the holiday was designed to appreciate your mother while she is still alive. From what I read on the “Official Mother’s Day” web site, I am assuming that means all mothers, not just the ones that have reached the status of grandmother or great-grandmother, but all mothers.

Unfortunately, that is not the way it plays out around the Dunn household, this being the only quote “holiday” we celebrate with both families. My wife (and mother of my children) is the only one that has two mothers and my grandmother to contend with, so our home becomes the neutral point in which both clans can meet and “celebrate”. This makes it a little easier for my wife, geographically and time-wise. It is a little more work as far as preparation goes, but with us making it a brunch, my wife still has a little down time after everyone leaves for her to sit back, relax, and at least pretend that this “holiday” includes her.

You see, getting our families together, even though they are only separated by less than an hour of driving time, takes on the feel of the Middle East peace talks. A lot of diplomacy is needed with certain factions in order to try to please everyone. But, as we all know, that lofty goal is rarely, if ever achieved. Which is probably one of the reasons we only try it once a year.

This is a far cry better than what goes down on Father’s Day, when as one of the four fathers involved in this mix, I am relegated to the role of nomad, having brunch in one place then being forced to drive for an hour to eat dinner. I have virtually no down time for the entire day. Oh well, the best I can do is try to make sure that doesn’t happen to my wife on “her day”.

I am always a bit confused when these days, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, come around. Before I was a parent, I always assumed that once I became one, I would be allowed the same luxuries that my father and mother were afforded.

It was their day to do whatever they wanted and we would try to make sure it happened. My sisters and I would make a card or some little gift and basically let them dictate the day, whether it was to go somewhere or do nothing at all. It was their call, it was their “day”.

My parents have earned my respect and love, which is what parents are supposed to do. Not buy, dictate, or demand it, but earn it. Hopefully, that is what I am doing with my kids now. Just trying to be the best parent I can without making unreasonable demands on their lives and time. Something that I will extend into their adult lives. Their lives should not and will not revolve around mine. In fact, it should be the exact opposite.

So when my wife is expected to change all the plans she has made because her mom can’t figure out what to do with the rest of her day after the “festivities” at our house, I view that as being extremely selfish. My God, go to a movie, a play, a museum, or just spend some quality time with your husband.

But don’t suggest that my wife dump the plans she has made, and has done for the last 10 years, and drive to the San Fernando Valley for a barbecue on an evening when we have school and work the next day. Have a little respect for the fact that we are not retired and are still in the midst of raising our kids. And have some respect for the fact that we invited you to our home to celebrate and be with your family. In order to get respect, you have to give it.

With all the amazing things that my wife does over and beyond being a great mother to our children, she deserves to have this day made as easy on her as possible. It is bad enough that a lot of the things that she does goes unnoticed by most, including her mother, because it’s always the little things that don’t garner a lot of hoopla. But some of us do notice and we can never say thank you enough

In 1907 Anna Reese Jarvis began a letter writing campaign to Congressmen declaring that there should be a National Mother’s Day. She had lost her mother two years earlier and missed her. She felt that too many children didn’t tell their mothers how much they appreciated them while they were alive. On May 8, 1914 President Woodrow Wilson made it official, and Mother’s Day was born.

So Stacey, if the kids and I don’t tell you enough times during the year, Anna and Woodrow made this holiday for mothers like you.