...When All is Said and Dunn

Everyone does a little selling in their lives. Some of us have chosen it as a profession, and others do it as a means of survival or a means to get what they want. You may not even be aware you are being sold at the time because of the stealth way it is being delivered, but you are being sold nonetheless.

It comes at you from all directions and in all different forms, and boy do we all start young. Think about it, what else are your kids doing when they are trying to get you to buy them something or take them somewhere, if not trying to sell you. For many, the skills have not been refined yet, so what you end up getting is nothing more than a bunch of whining and begging. This irritating behavior may or may not achieve what is sought after by the child. That depends on the parent.

But I have witnessed some first class sales skills in some 8- to 12-year olds, skills that rival any of the best sales people I have ever run into. This may be arbitrated to them knowing their intended victims, their parents, and they play it for all it’s worth. They may be small, but they can be very persuasive.

Some of the most aggressive selling lately has been on the part of our local weather people. Their clownish behavior aside, what they try to sell us on is that they actually possess some knowledge of meteorology. Most of us take what they say with a grain of salt unless of course there is something vitally important on the horizon; say for example a Little League practice or a game.

When that happens what do the more intelligent members of our society do? Of course, we turn on the television or radio to find out what the weather is going to be like. This from the weather salespeople who, even though they probably know less than we know about the weather, are selling us with acting skills and a script. Never mind that we should know better than to trust what they are saying, but we are desperate. Where else can we turn? We have no choice but to buy what they are selling and hope that it’s right.

Sports managers have to be pretty good salesman too, especially if they are lacking in skills or knowledge. They have to be able to sell the parents on why Little Johnny isn’t going to be pitching this season and is instead going to be playing left field. He needs to do his best at this sale or otherwise the parents will be looking to have him lynched by mid-season.

He also has to be able to sell the team on the fact that even though they lost a game, they all did a great job and they should be proud. They always use the quotes “Win as a team and lose as a team” and “There is no 'I' in team.” Using tired old phrases like those can be a hard sell after the team has played their hearts out. But you’ve got to go with what sells or what has sold in the past.

But far and away the undisputed kings and queens of selling are the politicians. Most successful ones are masters on selling; unfortunately they are more like used car salesmen or a flim flam man. Most try to razzle dazzle us with a cornucopia of words that mystify and confuse, but after they are done we think we understand what they said. We are left sitting there with our heads cocked to one side like a dog who is trying to understand what you are saying while you are scolding him. Or like when you listen to any extended speech by George W. “Don’t Call Me Shrub” Bush.

If anybody out there watched and listened to the candidate forum for the recent City Council elections, you know what I mean. Out of five candidates only two made any sense. The rest couldn’t sell food to a starving man.

If you don’t believe me, could I interest you in some swampland at Live Oak Park?

The Shrub Speaks: "Ann and I will carry out this equivocal message to the world: Markets must be open." – Swearing-in ceremony for Secretary of State Ann Venecam, Washington D.C., March 2, 2001