...When All is Said and Dunn

In these days of the escalating rape of the consumer, we are all looking for ways to save money. One way many of us do this is by looking for deals on our everyday items, like food, sundries, school supplies, etc.

Nowadays, in order to get the most bang for your buck you must become a shopping nomad. Wandering the endless deserts of stores to try to make sure your cupboards are not bare. With the gross over-charging by the power and gas companies affecting the prices of everything, we all need to sharpen our buying skills. That is unless you are one of those people who enjoy overpaying for things.

It can be very time consuming to try and save money on these things, which is how places like the big grocery chains stay in business. They count on the fact that you won’t have enough time to price compare and go to more than one store. They bank on the fact that your stamina will run out before your checking account does.

Personally, I like the challenge and I view it as a game, me against them. It almost takes on the feel of a war game. Just like any game, it takes practice and planning if you want to win. You have to learn the territories and the tools involved if you want to get in the battle.

I know everyone has their favorite spots to shop and those are the ones you should focus on. If you try to incorporate every grocery, club, and discount store into the game, you will make yourself insane trying to keep up with all of the “deals” out there. And, as we all know, the “deals” are not “deals” at all. Many are nothing more than smoke and mirrors, bait and switch, or whatever you want to call it.

I have whittled my areas of regular attack down to four. Ralphs, Sam’s Club, Valu-Mart, and the 99-cent store. I approach my shopping with the same attention to detail that a general views a battlefield. I plan my attack and then I execute it. With all of the other little chores I do during the week, on top of my regular job, I can’t believe I actually can pull this off on a weekly basis, but I do.

One thing that I have discovered in my journeys is that not all the stores are the same even when they are owned by the same company. There are things that may be at one Ralphs that you won’t find at another.

This is particularly frustrating when you are in a pinch for time and you are outside of your normal area. You’re used to shopping at Ralphs in Temple City and you stop at the Ralphs in Arcadia only to find that they don’t carry the same brand of Greek olives. You can take a chance and hope that they taste the same, but hey this could screw up my entire salad.

I know we have all come to expect this type of nonsense from the ever-changing world of the 99-cent store. While some things are always the same, you just have to hold your breath and hope the items you want are there this week. What I love about the 99-cent store is just going into the place, you are always guaranteed a laugh or two. When you look at some of the products that are there, there is no way not to. It is almost like a museum of bad ideas.

Most of the things you see there are fine and definitely buyable. But as your eyes scan the products, you stand there and shake your head and wonder, “what were they thinking?” Bizarre things in cans with faded labels like baby corn dipped in chocolate sauce and cheese flavored prunes. Somebody had to be awfully high with a serious case of the munchies to come up with some of this stuff. But I guess that’s why it’s at the 99 cents store.

The battle at Sam’s Club is entirely different. Considering you are buying in bulk, you would think that they would want to make your experience there as painless as possible. But no, they try to subvert your mission on a couple of levels. They seem to think that moving items all over the store is a good thing and that their customers come to their store to engage in a game of hide and seek.

Another thing they do that makes me want to send in the troops and take over their purchasing department is discontinuing items for no reason. They carry a particular brand of let’s say raviolis. My family loves it, we count on it, and we eat it weekly. They carry it for months and then all of a sudden, poof -- it’s gone. It’s as if it never existed, like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on that portion of the freezer section and wiped it clean. On my next visit, in its place, is yet another monument to Hot Pockets.

All of these things make my war on prices frustrating, but shopping like war can sometimes be hell. Go get ‘em soldiers.

The Shrub speaks: “Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that."
Washington, D.C. May 11, 2001