...When All is Said and Dunn

My family went to “The Magic Kingdom” on Sunday for Father’s Day. I wanted to have a Father’s Day with just my wife and kids doing something that we all could enjoy together.

We had not been there for a long time. We like to spread out our visits so we don’t burn out on the place and that makes each trip there a special experience. Not having been there for years also means that there are always changes. Disneyland is in a constant state of modification in an attempt to keep itself fresh. Like Walt said “Disneyland will never be finished as long as there is imagination. ”

The people I told my plans to were divided as to the logic of my decision to go on Father’s Day when it came to the imagined size of the crowd we would encounter. To set the record straight, it was neither empty nor cram-packed. It was actually very comfortable in comparison to trips in the past.

One thing that kept the experience a pleasurable one was the system they now have called “Fast Pass.” What this allows you to do is not spend your entire day standing in lines. The concept is a very simple one and with a little advanced planning it can make it so you can go on your favorite rides more often without having to stand in line.

To utilize Fast Pass all you have to do is take your ticket, which has a bar code on it, to one of the multiple kiosks near the entrance of the ride you want to go on. You slide in your ticket and out pops a Fast Pass ticket. There is a time on it that gives you an hour window in which to return to the ride.

When you get back to the ride there are two entrances to get on, one marked Stand By and one marked Fast Pass. When you take the Fast Pass line you basically walk right by all of the people waiting in the Stand By line whose wait is estimated in some cases to be close to an hour.

All day my wife continued to wonder why everybody didn’t use the Fast Pass. Every time we got on a ride and we were passing literally a hundred people waiting in line, she felt guilty, like she was cutting in line. I felt great and personally didn’t care why they weren’t utilizing a bit of technology that would benefit them. They obviously have never spent anytime in a long line with my son Alex, who is the king of impatience. If they had, they would have figured out the Fast Pass thing in a hurry.

I have always contended a majority of people are either stupid or have an unjustifiable fear of the unknown. But this is not some deep dark secret. There are signs everywhere telling you how it works. It is explained in the brochure you are given when you enter and there are Disney employees at every Fast Pass station to answer any and all questions you may have. The fact that a majority of people continued to stand in line all day long is proof that my theory is valid. This exercise not only confirmed it, but also should be used in psychological studies as an example of this philosophy.

Another pleasant surprise was that the food in the park had been kicked up a couple of levels. When we took a break over in Tomorrowland, we stopped at a place call “Redd Rocket’s Pizza Port” right next to Space Mountain. They had great pizza and salads that were better than most restaurants in the real world. The salads in particular were great. The Chinese Chicken Salad was made with very fresh high quality ingredients. The chicken was fresh and grilled, the lettuce crisp, and the dressing a perfect blend that wasn’t overpowering. The Chicken Caesar Salad was equally satisfying.

But, with all the bright spots to report of course there is also a dark side that you have to deal with. While the food at Redd Rocket’s was exceptional for a theme park, the prices were absolutely insane. We had to take a vote as to whether to pay for it or give them one of the kids.

The prices overall were out of control everywhere in the park, primarily because they know they have you hostage if you are there for the duration. $4 for a bottle of water, $5 for a piece of pizza, and $2.50 for a churro. That is just down right robbery on the rodent’s part.

Then there were the people in attendance. Where do I begin with them. I guess I’ll start with the fashion aspects. Being a hot summer day, the outfits on most females were minimal, much to the appreciation of the males in attendance. I couldn’t help noticing that the dress code that used to be very strictly enforced had gone the way of the People Mover and the Submarine ride. Unfortunately, much of what was being exposed would have been better off covered. I was beginning to think there was either a silicone convention in attendance or there was a new land I hadn’t yet found called Cleaveageland and its characters were wandering aimlessly around the park.

Then there were the baby strollers. As I was beginning to think aloud with a compelling argument for suggesting their removal from the park, my wife gently reminded me that the last time we came we were with stroller. Damn, we were. Oh well, I guess it’s the same as being an ex-smoker. You’re always annoyed and are harder on the people who are still doing it.

What I don’t remember was ever using my stroller as a weapon or a battering ram, which is what was happening in Fantasyland. The stroller brigade almost seemed to be traveling in packs or coming in waves. It was get out of the way or suffer a broken shin. I was thinking they ought to be restricted by the same laws as cars; pedestrians have the right of way, not somebody with triplets.

Bad things aside, I can hardly wait until I go again. Even though it is not the Magic Kingdom of my youth, I still have a good time every time I go. The place, in my heart, will always be timeless.

If you have never been, which if you have lived in California for more than a month I would be surprised if you haven’t, then I strongly suggest you go. Being an opinion columnist, I can only offer you just that, my opinion. At least when you read my column you know that’s what you’re going to get.

Disneyland 1313 S. Harbor Blvd., Anaheim, CA. Phone Number 714-781-4565. Prices: Regular-$43.00, Child (3 to 9)- $33.00, Under 3- Free. Call the above number for park hours.

The preceding paragraph is my way of making it easier for you should you want to go out and have a good time.

The Shrub speaks: “Our nation must come together to unite.” Tampa, Florida, June 4, 2001