...When All is Said and Dunn

With all the things that keep my family in constant motion, not unlike being caught in a tornado, there are times when we sit down that I feel like I am stuck in a time warp.

Since my wife and I had children, we seem to be behind the times, particularly as far as movies go. The two of us used to be the people who were counted in the opening weekend gross. We always saw new movies the weekend they came out, if not, then at the very least the next weekend. Both of us were very much into current cinema.

This has been tougher on me than on Stacey, having been a student of film and cinema all my life, and having studied film all the way through college. My love of moving pictures is one of the few things that I truly enjoy in life. Nowadays, I enjoy it strictly as a hobby instead of working in the industry for a living. Oh well, missed opportunities and a topic for another day.

For years now it seems like the only pictures I see even close to their opening are “kid friendly” pictures. Gone are the days of rushing out to see the new films by Stanley Kubrick, Martin Scorsese, or Milos Forman. Nowadays, I am more likely to be heading to the theatre to see the latest fare by Disney. Not that I don’t enjoy Disney, I do. Anyone who has seen my film collection can tell you that. It’s just that given the choice between “Snow White” and “A Clockwork Orange” the latter will win every time.

Even when I take the time to record or buy some movies, they collect dust until we have a moment of down time to watch them. Sometimes that can be months, and in the more extreme cases, years. The other night when we saw a window of opportunity open, I stumbled on movies that I recorded over two years ago that we never watched. Leave it safe to say that I will be recording over them soon. Unless the movie is a bona fide classic, it has a shelf life like a bag of chips, and two years is just a bit too long, especially with new product coming out every week.

On the bright side, as the kids get older, the pictures mature right along with them. I find myself enjoying some of the same movies my kids do. My 10-year-old son Alex and I both enjoyed The Mummy Returns and my daughter Rachel and I share a love of horror films, the scarier the better, so things are looking up.

Now some of you might be saying “Well, Bill why didn’t you get yourself a babysitter?” The answer to that little query is this, short of my sister and my parents, I never felt comfortable when the kids were small leaving them with anyone else. As time passed we never hooked up with a babysitter. Besides, I like my kids, of course I love them, which comes with the turf, but I like them as people. I like spending time with them and talking to them.

One thing that I never did that makes me cringe is to take toddlers and young kids to an R-rated movie. This I find maddening on multiple levels.

First, what are these parents thinking? Are they that desperate to see the movie that they are willing to subject young kids to the type of things that make an R movie worthy of an R rating? Regardless of whether it’s foul language, sex, or extreme violence, it is in my opinion that it is inappropriate for young children to see.

Second, there is the noise factor. Are these parents so unconscious to think that if their rugrats who are bellowing and screaming at home will be able to sit docile and quiet for 2 plus hours in a darkened movie theatre? Especially when the content of the film is something they have no interest in seeing? Why are they wasting our time and money along with their time and money by ruining our viewing experience by subjecting us to their unruly spawn?

I think the theatres should be held responsible if they are willing to allow parents to take underage children to an R rated film and said child ruins the film for the rest of us. We should definitely be able to request a refund. The violating parent should then be made to sit in a theatre comprised of nothing but parents and underage children with the doors bolted until the movie is over. Maybe that will break them of the habit.

With that said, and you factor in the rising cost to actually go to the theatre, maybe my dilemma is not so much a dilemma at all. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. If time is the only factor and patience is a virtue, right?

So by waiting a few months, I can buy the DVD for less than the cost of taking my family to the movies, own it for future viewings, and not subject myself to the caterwauling of some unruly kids while I watch it. Hmmm?
Never mind.

The Shrub Speaks: “We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.” - Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001