...When All is Said and Dunn

In that mutant relationship between the news media and the government, the recent events in this country have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Their love-hate marriage has always been somewhat bizarre, but lately, like it or not, they are stuck with one another. As tensions rise with every phase of the current insanity, they seem to be stepping all over each other.

The insanity I am referring to is the growing number of cases of anthrax that are multiplying, if you watch the cable news stations, by the minute. It is turning into an exercise in math, adding and subtracting the number of cases as they go along. The experts and the politicians are trying to keep everyone calm and focused while the news agencies are trying to scare everyone and cause mass hysteria.

If you turn on CNN, MSNBC, or Fox News they have everybody under the sun explaining and re-explaining what anthrax is. With every new case the tone in which they deliver the latest bulletin makes it sound as though we are headed for a new Black Plague, which is not the case.

The questions that are being raised have already been answered but they keep asking the questions over and over to heighten the anxiety level and frighten the public. Why? So they can continue to have something to talk about. If we are not hearing them talk about it, we are reading about it in the never-ending scroll that runs across the bottom of the screen. That is even creepier because of its matter of fact delivery -- delivered like an intravenous feed to your eyes. It is a complete news bombardment.

Excuse me, but we are still bombing the crap out of Afghanistan aren’t we? I also believe we are about to send ground troops in. Why has this become secondary to a treatable disease that is non-communicable? You news spooks have already told us more than we ever wanted to know about anthrax and it’s time to back off a little.

You have already got some of the less intelligent members of our society stockpiling Cipro, a drug that is used to treat anthrax, and a drug that two weeks ago they didn’t even know the name of. Some more hysterical people are even running to Mexico to buy up all they can get their hands on. That’s just great, a bunch of people armed with a drug, to treat a disease that they don’t have, and who don’t have a clue on how to use it. Good job news ghouls.

Here’s the deal in a nutshell, just so you can cut back on the freak show going on at these channels. There are 3 types of anthrax. You can get it in the following ways: through a break in your skin, by eating infected meat, or by breathing it into your lungs. All can be treated with antibiotics, not just Cipro, which by the way is just a different form of antibiotic, like penicillin.

All forms are treatable and according to one expert, even if left untreated the skin form will most likely go away once it has run its course. The airborne version is the most severe but can be treated in the same easy fashion, with antibiotics. Also, and listen carefully, there is a big difference between being “exposed to” and “infected with” anthrax. Just because you have been exposed to it doesn’t mean you’re going to get it. Please try to keep this in mind before you start heading for the border.

While there is much speculation as to who is responsible for sending it, I believe that given how hard it is to manufacture the disease spores that it is not some domestic terrorist, as some have suggested. I believe it really is Osama and his Al Qaeda boys, with the help of some country that is sympathetic to their cause. This is not something that you can whip up in your kitchen like setting up a meth lab; you need a highly advanced laboratory to do it. Saddam, are you up to your old tricks again?

So with Halloween just around the corner I have come up with the perfect costume for those who are afraid of anthrax and want to insult the man everyone loves to hate at the same time.

It is a relatively simple costume to put together and it is sure to frighten and amuse your friends. First get either one of those gigantic joke prophylactics or a large clear trash bag. Then get a turban, or a towel will do, and a long fake beard. First pull the plastic over the top of your head, and then put on the beard and turban. That’s it; you’re ready to go.

You’re now Osama Bin Condom.