...When All is Said and Dunn

For me, the 2002 holiday season just seemed to whip by. I don’t know what it was about this year, but I blinked and it was over. Maybe it’s because the kids are getting older and during vacation they just want to relax and are far less needy. Whatever the reason was, it seemed as though as soon as I put up the lights and decorations, I was taking them down.

I know that there are a lot of people out there who don’t equate the passing of time with the removal of decorations. I have seen some homes that have not taken down their Christmas lights in three years. And each year they have added to them while leaving the old ones up. By now you should know that this is a major bugaboo with me. I keep hoping one of the strands of lights develops a short and burns the house down. That would be one way to get the lights down that are still up in July.

Now that we have sailed into the New Year so quickly, take a step back and look around, and you will notice that nothing has changed. Usually it feels like a new year because there are changes that are on the horizon or ones that have been implemented so close to the new year that it feels like a change.

The only change that has been jumping out at me lately is not a good one. Like small pox, if it is out of sight, it is out of mind. That would be the rise of graffiti. What I find the most disturbing is that it is always in the same spots. It is disturbing because something that is that easily pinpointed should be easily eradicated.

For an example, here locally, there is a train overpass on Rosemead Boulevard between Sereno Avenue and Lower Azusa Road. For as long as I can remember it has been a favorite spot for graffiti taggers. You can tell this just by looking at the paint that is flaking off the decades old efforts to cover past graffiti. Even during the brief period of time during the last five years when graffiti was on a decline, there was always at least one tag that would pop up weekly. Currently there are numerous tags visible and have been for weeks.
Given its history, you would think that this would be some place that the Sheriff Department would focus on. If not by posting volunteers or Explorer Scouts armed with stun guns and baseball bats, then by using technology. While my personal preference, technology wise, would be to place heat seeking 100-watt lasers at either end of the overpass to vaporize anyone carrying a spray paint can, I have a funny feeling that the ACLU may have a problem or two with that solution. So how about using the equivalent of a traffic cam to take pictures of anyone on the overpass at night, locate them, pick them up, take them to the Sheriff Station, then vaporize them with 100-watt lasers.

The other graffiti that is stale and equally annoying are the majority of television commercials that play, ad nauseum, every time we turn on our TV’s. Thank God the Super Bowl is not too far off, which generally marks the beginning of the new TV commercial season. Heaven knows we could use some fresh blood in that arena.

O.K. there are exceptions. The Jack in the Box commercials are usually funny and the new Sprint commercials are absolutely hysterical. Especially the newest one where a rancher uses his cell phone to order 200 oxen and instead is sent 200 dachshunds (wiener dogs). I laugh every time I see the herd of stampeding dachshunds.

On the other hand, the Carl’s Jr. commercials continue to gross me out with their never-ending display of bad eating habits. I love chiliburgers and chili fries, but the Carl’s commercials do not bolster my desire to run out and grab one. Watching some big goon devouring a burger that is raining chili all over the place until he finally has the epiphany to use his fries to scoop up the spilled chili off the coffee table to make chili fries is just disgusting.

In the parallel cell phone universe, the Verizon commercial is one of the most irritating things I have ever seen. Their bespectacled pitchman wandering the planet checking for optimum cell phone reception makes me want to track him down, catch him at the top of an active volcano, and push him in and ask him if he can hear me now?

The king of annoyance, the worst perpetrator of video graffiti is not the king of big screens but the seller of mattresses. Larry the Loud, owner and pitchman of Sit and Sleep Furniture Stores. Every time he ends his inane little commercials and screeches at the top of his lungs “IT’S FREEEEEEEE” I want to reach through my TV screen and grab him by the throat.

It reminds me of my 7th grade teacher, Mr. Farrell. When the class wasn’t paying attention he would drag his long fingernails across the full length of the chalkboard and back again. I never thought I would ever hear a more chilling and goose bump raising sound in my life. That was until I heard Larry. I was beginning to think I was alone in my loathing of the individual until my son, Alex, came home from school one day and told me his teacher, Mr. Lee, shared my distaste for Larry. Well at least I know he’s listening in Mr. Lee’s class.

I can only think of one punishment fitting enough for Larry. Unfortunately, I was told that Mr. Farrell passed away some time ago. So, Mr. Lee, how are your fingernails?