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There are many times when my family embraces a show that it is on TV that just drives me crazy. Now that American Idol is back on the air, if anything else comes along, you can make that two. This week’s addition was the Westminster Dog Show.
I love dogs, so don’t even try to go there. It’s just that this over pompous parading of the pooches is just out and out loopy. I have had dogs the majority of my life, and with the exception of Stella, our current dog, they have all been full bred. But I have never come close to the obsession of the participants in this doggy show.
I think what has made this television extravaganza almost impossible for me to watch without giggling is that I keep reflecting on a movie I saw a couple of years back. It was the absolutely hysterical mock documentary called “Best In Show,” written and directed by Christopher Guest. It focuses on a group of dog owners vying for the best of show title in a dog show. If you have never seen it and want to laugh a lot I recommend shooting over to the video store and picking it up.
This movie is so accurate that when you are watching the real thing you can see every character from the movie in the real participants. The overly protective trainer, the completely neurotic owner, the unconscious babbling commentators, and the unjustifiably over egotistical judges are all there and are real life parodies of themselves. You can also see every form of full-bred, mutant looking, and overly pampered dogs on the planet.
Dogs have long been touted as man’s best friend, but some of these dogs I wouldn’t even want as an acquaintance. Beauty is always in the eye of beholder. I see this proven everyday by the spousal choices people make, but some of these dogs are just flat out ugly.
When every breed is dragged out before you in a never-ending procession, you find yourself shaking your head and thinking, if there is a God he/she has one hell of a sense of humor. He/she didn’t stop after the platapus and the giraffe; there was still plenty of laughs to be had in the dog kingdom. You think I’m kidding, just take a look at the Chihuahua.
A lot of these dogs came to be not by an act of God, but by interbreeding many moons ago. I’m sure that was the natural order of things way back when dogs ran free unencumbered by man’s will and sense of fashion. Once man got involved, the genetic canine roller coaster came to a halt for certain breeds, relegating those dogs who were allowed to breed free to be tagged with the brand “mutt.” When, if you think about it, all dogs are mutts, some are just mutts with papers.
I think we should mix up the doggy gene pool again and mix some breeds that would shake things up at the 127-year-old Westminster Kennel Club. Dachshund and a Newfoundland (Newdachenland), Pekinese and a Great Dane (Great Peekindane), or a St. Bernard and a Whippet (St. Whippenard). Now those would make some interesting breeds and ones that after watching this last dog show wouldn’t be that out of place and probably a welcome addition.
I’m sure that it would only be a matter of time before the human element would get involved in these new breeds and owners would start letting the hair grow long enough to tie bows in or cover the eyes and mouth. Or worse, they could suffer the same fate as the Standard Poodle and have their hair shaved as if they were some live topiary.
The only dogs in this show that are worth a pooper-scooper are the ones that serve a purpose. Sure, all of them provide companionship in one form or another, but most of these prissy little show dogs are more needy and require more attention than a newborn child. Considering that most dogs live to 15 years, ask any parent how they would feel about changing diapers for 15 years and I think you can guess what their response would be.
The one thing that is useful about this show is that they can point you to the type of dog you may be looking for if you are looking for something specific and are willing to plop down $200.00 to $2,000.00 to get it. They tell you which breeds are good for kids, for hunting, security, as service dogs, or ones that will fit in your purse. Whatever your needs may be.
I may not be a “dead from the neck up” commentator who “never met a dog he didn’t like” or some middle-aged debutante in a rhinestone studded ball gown passing judgment on furry eye candy, but I do know one thing. When we got our “mutt” 15 years ago we went to the San Gabriel Humane Society and found a dog that we both liked at first sight. She has provided us with companionship, loyalty, and security and we have provided her with love, all without the huge price tag. Since she is a “mutt” we have spent all these years learning about her personality, without knowing up front every little nuance about her personality.
She became our best of show without the papers.
The Shrub Speaks: The more money they have in their more pockets -- in their pockets, the more likely it is that somebody will find work.
- Greenbriar Resort, White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia, Feb. 9, 2003
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