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No matter what state you live in or come from, there are certain stigmas and stereotypes that are attached to that region. True or false, most have some basis in fact. Some stereotypes are grossly exaggerated, but it had to start somewhere. So complain if you will, it is always best to thicken up your skin and laugh along with the rest of us.
If you come from the South, you are a bigot. If you come from Texas, you wear a cowboy hat and boots and eat nothing but steak. If you are in the Midwest, your IQ is often called into question, and if you’re from the Appalachians, you must be married to your sister.
Here in California we have been subject to many misconceptions (see this week’s
Dunn’s Web.) Personally, I have never surfed, I don’t have any piercings that aren’t visible with my clothes on, nor is my middle name Moonbeam, despite what anybody may say. That still doesn’t stop me from being asked on the phone how the surf is by people in other parts of the country during my workday. It’s like I am supposed to wake up knowing or be checking it daily when I rise, since as we all know, everyone in California lives by the beach.
To the rest of the country, we are considered to be the home of loopy behavior. Maybe it comes from us being the home of the entertainment industry and all that implies. Possibly it’s remnants of the freewheeling 60’s when we seemed to be a magnet for the hippie movement and every radical group on the planet. Whatever the reasons, we’re stuck with these stereotypes, and no amount of pro-California advertising will erase it. The best we can do, if we don’t like it, is to live the opposite of the stereotype in hopes of chipping away at it and proving it invalid one person at a time.
While doing this may help the process, it will never be totally successful in our lifetime, even if new fuel weren’t thrown on the fire. Many groups have tried to overcome their stereotypes to no avail. This state is just too big with too many “diverse” groups that are capable of all sorts of odd behavior.
You would think that while all of these groups were busy feeding their own stereotype machines it would leave little to no time to dedicate to the Great State of California. That is until something special comes along like, oh I don’t know, a recall election for the governor. Once this circus started there has been enough fuel to keep the fires burning for the next two millenniums.
It’s not just that we have the ability to recall our governor, there are 14 other states that have that option, although we are only the second state to use it, it is all the peripherals that come with it. In a state that is full of people that are starved for attention, you had to know that as soon as the recall became a reality, that we would be inundated with every sideshow freak with an extra $3,500.00 to burn.
We have all gotten our ballots at this point, even though, as of this writing, the election has been postponed. Have you taken a minute, or should I say half an hour, to read through the list of candidates? I am using the word candidates VERY loosely. Most of them I wouldn’t trust to govern the picking up of my dog’s poops and those are the ones I had heard of before this election.
While I can’t list them all, nor would I want to, let’s just hone in on a few of the more interesting choices before us, shall we? Just like on game shows, in our ballot we have the candidate’s name listed and then a brief description of what he or she does when not wanting to govern the world’s fifth largest economy.
We have William “Bill” S. Chambers – Railroad Switchman/Brakeman, so which is it “Bill” Switchman or Brakeman? Then there’s S. Issa and Stephen L. Knapp both Engineers, gee I wonder if they know “Bill”? We also have Ned Roscoe - Cigarette Retailer and Bruce Margolin - Marijuana Legalization Attorney; I think these two should get together after the election and have a smoke together.
Arnold is not the only public figure to throw his barbell in the ring. We also have the extremely popular and well-known Kurt E. “Tachikaze” Rightmyer - Middleweight Sumo Wrestler. The diminutive prankster Gary Coleman - Actor. Actor? When was the last time this guy was in front of a camera outside of a police station? Last I heard he was a security guard and refusing to give autographs.
Then you have Leo Gallagher or “Gallagher” as he is more popularly known - Comedian. As funny as I think Gallagher is, and I would love to see him take his mallet to the budget instead of a watermelon, we’ve had a comedian in office for over four years, granted not a very funny one, and I think it is time for a change.
Not to be outdone, the adult entertainment industry is fully represented. First we have Mary “Mary Carey” Cook - Adult Film Actress, which is the politically correct way of saying XXX porn star. Mary’s niche is that she is a dead ringer for Mariah Carey. To be honest, if you have to have a niche, it’s a nice one to have. And what political race would be complete without everybody’s favorite, Larry Flynt - Publisher. Publisher of what? Oh I think we all know it’s not reprints of the Guttenberg Bible.
As you may have noticed, I haven’t mentioned any of the “front runners” Arnold, Arianna, Tom, or Cruz. They are getting too much expensive exposure as it is. I am not sure which one will be the best or the lesser of evils, but I do know, that even though I am a registered Democrat, there is something I just don’t trust about Cruz, so he is out as far as I’m concerned.
When given what is left over I am faced with buying into choices that will just help perpetrate our stereotype as the loopiest state in the union. But it is my home and has been all my life so leaving is not an option.
Given the choice, I would rather live in a state of insanity, than in a state of boredom.
The Shrub Speaks: I learned some pretty interesting lessons as the governor. And one lesson is that in order for schools to succeed, you'd better have you a good principal. - Florida, Sep. 9, 2003
B.D.’s Response: It’s too bad that you didn’t have any lessons in how to speak proper English.
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