|
Just before my family and I went on vacation this year we decided to have a yard sale. Why we chose to do it just before we left, will be one of those questions that will haunt me for the rest of my days. But we did, and as they say, it’s in the history books.
Maybe it had to do with the small window of opportunity that was available between the time that the kids’ sports ended, vacation began, and school started. It also had to do with the fact that it had been at least 8 years since the last one and the volume of stuff that we had accumulated was bordering on sheer madness. If we had attempted to wait another year there wouldn’t have been any room for us in the house, so it became a “them or us” situation.
I had a very Machiavellian approach to this yard sale as opposed to those in the past. This time there would be no saving viable items for the next yard sale. If it didn’t sell at this sale, some organization, Goodwill, The Salvation Army, or Out Of The Closet, would be getting a windfall. This time, anything that made it to the sale area would not be returning to the house.
And so it began. The emptying out of the kids’ rooms was absolutely astonishing. I knew their closets were full, but I had no idea as to what extent. What the kids were getting rid of literally filled all the walking room in the kitchen and dining room and was over flowing into the back patio. And that was just the toys. And yet, we still had the rest of the house to do. After we went through our closets and drawers, the living room was a maze of clothes that was at least a knee deep.
The days leading up to the yard sale, as I tiptoed around the mounds littering my abode, I found myself asking how did all of this stuff fit in our house? How did I not notice these monsters growing in the closets? Maybe it was that every time I opened one of the kid’s closets I did it with my eyes closed.
Next, I moved to my area of shame, the garage. While I am notoriously a neat freak, there is only so neat you can keep the amount of junk collected over the course of eight years. And yet, I did my best due to the fact that I was always able to park one car in the garage, and that everything in the garage was visible every time the garage door was opened.
Once I delved into the cupboards and rafters of the garage, it, like the kids’ closets, were much deeper and bigger than I remembered. At the very rear of some of them I found a true treasure, boxes marked “yard sale” that were full of things from the last yard sale that I had decided to save for the next yard sale. What the hell was I thinking? Oh well, in eight years I am sure that whatever was in there must have increased in value. Yeah right!
My wife hates doing yard sales. As we prepared for this one swore she would never do another one. It had been so long since our last one that my memory wasn’t as good as hers as to the negative aspects associated with the chore. On Saturday morning my memory was refreshed as the crowds began to gather.
The one thing that I was reminded of right off the bat, was, of the wide variety of people that go to yard sales, every walk of life is represented. If you’ve ever had a yard sale you know what I mean. You get people in a brand new Mercedes pulling in behind a Pinto that looks like it finished twenty laps at the demolition derby. And yet, they both come with the same thing in common, they’re lookin’ for a deal.
Unfortunately the down side is that both my wife and I have jobs where we deal with people, eight hours a day, where no matter how obnoxious the people are that we deal with, we have to be on our best behavior and deal with a constant barrage of stupid questions. In my case, most of the people I deal with want to get something for nothing. A lot like a yard sale.
So here we are, my wife and I, doing what we do all week long for a fraction of what we both make, and it’s our day off. Oh now I remember why my wife disliked this little exercise so much. Well, I’m here now and there is no turning back, besides I did get my mandatory permit from the city.
Here in the City of Temple you can’t begin your yard sale prior to 8 a.m., but that doesn’t stop the hardcore “yard salers” from circling your stuff from afar. As the clock strikes 8 you would think we were Mervyns and we were having a sale.
The majority of these early birders come early and they come to buy. There is a minimum of haggling, they are usually in a good mood, and they don’t have an attitude. They’re professionals. They, like most good hunters, enjoy the sport of the hunt.
It’s when the day wears on when the truly weird people begin to surface. For some reason, and I remember this happening from our last yard sale, the late afternoon crowd is like a group of mental patients on a field trip who are trying to be on their best behavior. Unlike the ones that come during the earlier part of the day, there is nothing that they are looking for in particular. They are “just looking.” Just looking is fine, in fact at a yard sale it’s encouraged. It’s just what and how they’re looking at that’s bizarre.
Just in case you’ve never had a yard sale you generally put out everything and the kitchen sink. You never know if a bus load of mental patients are going to be dropped off at the end of your driveway. The “late dayers” buy the oddest things that you have put out. Broken corkscrews, lamps that don’t work, partially used tubes of toothpaste, things that you didn’t even know what they were when you put them out.
By, the end of the day, your patience is wearing thin and all you can think of is calling it a day. You have had your fill of debating with people who have been there for an hour trying on shoes and clothes and want to pay you ten cents for something that is worth at least $5.00. I’m tired of people whose attitude is that because you are having a yard sale you are in some sort of financial dire straits. I can’t even believe there is a tattooed biker in my front yard who wanders around smoking pot, thinking I don’t know what it is, while he looks for a new box for his stash. OK, I know I can take this thing to 6 o’clock but enough is enough.
The big winner ends up being The Salvation Army. They were the only organization we called, out of the three listed above, that would take everything we had, no questions asked. When it finally came down to it I would rather take the tax write off then make a dime from somebody whose basic attitude was that of extortion.
Obviously the word hadn’t gotten out that this yard sale, just like the United States- we do not deal with terrorists.
The Shrub Speaks: I'm so pleased to be able to say hello to Bill Scranton. He's one of the great Pennsylvania political families. Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania, Sep. 15, 2003
B’D’s response; -- All by himself? Impressive
P.S. I just watched the debate of the leading Gubernatorial Candidates, fellow Californians, we are in some serious trouble!
|
