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When I turned 50 last month, I was waxing poetically about how it didn’t really make any difference to me. It seemed to be a bigger deal to the people around me and my family than it did to me. I wasn’t doing anything different and I certainly didn’t feel any different than I had for the last 20 years.
Then I started getting a different type of mail, the type targeted for the age group I had joined. All of a sudden AARP and Colonial Life were very interested in me. I guess it made me feel wanted and special. But over the last month, when I didn’t jump at their offers, the tone of their letters seemed to change. It was as though they couldn’t believe that I wasn’t jumping on the “50 and over” bandwagon and immediately signing up for all the wonderful things they were offering me.
Along with the postal onslaught I began noticing ads on TV trying to point me in the direction they feel that a person of “my age” should be heading. In the past I would subconsciously ignore these ads thinking that they had nothing of interest to offer me anymore than an ad for the newest version of an easy bake oven. But the subliminal seed has been planted. In the back of my mind I am much more aware of all of the little darts being flung at me in order to get me to submit to the “50 and over” program.
I’m sorry to disappoint them but I am not quite ready yet to hang up my rock n’ roll shoes, besides there are too many things I haven’t yet tried. Not only that, having kids later in life than most of my contemporaries means that at this point I have two teenagers. So it is imperative that I stay young, or at least think young as long as I can. I know if I don’t they will eat me alive. So even if I wanted to have a mid life crisis I will have to put it on hold for a few years, because keeping up with teenagers is almost like having a second job.
And trust me there is a lot to keep up on if you want to have any sort of conversation with them. With all of the different diversions that are available, you have to keep your fingers in numerous pies if you don’t want to be left behind. Once you slip behind, forget about it. Things change far too fast and they will leave you in the dust.
One of the best ways I have found to stay in tune with my kids is through listening to music. This may sound like an easy enough task but unless you remain somewhat open it can be brutal. This was not something my parents did, and to be honest, they don’t know how easy they had it when I was a kid. All they had to do was attempt to listen to The Beatles and The Doors. If they had kids nowadays and had to listen to 50 Cent and Eminem I truly believe that their heads would explode.
This is not to say that I like everything that both of these artists do, but I was at least willing to give it a listen. When I don’t like something I let my kids know. By the same token when I play something that they don’t care for they let me know. This little exchange has been going on for years now and you know what has been happening lately? I have been noticing CD’s mysteriously disappearing from my collection and appearing in my kids’ rooms.
So it goes and so we learn. They have introduced me to The Killers and Bowling For Soup, both of which I love, and they have discovered Aerosmith and The Beatles. I am assuming they love them as well based on a minor skirmish I overheard in Alex’s room. Rachel was reading him the riot act for taking Aerosmith’s “Big Ones” out of her room without asking first.
This may seem like a minor thing, but it gives us a common ground. Unlike many other parents with teenagers mine at least talk to me, not at me. That common ground, once found, always seems to expand into other areas. At least it has with me. Once they know that when you are talking with them you are listening it can make all the difference in the world. Rachel comes to me when she is looking for a particular type of movie to watch, Alex comes to me when he wants to know something about vintage gangsters, whether they be real or celluloid. Again small topics but at least there is a dialogue.
But if these are not things that are in your realm of possibilities there is also another avenue you can take to explore the youth of today. Whenever I need a shot of reality as to what it is like to be a teenager in today’s world I go to where the action is, the Internet.
I am sure that most of the kids out there would prefer that I didn’t bring this up, but there is a place that is the most enlightening because it is where a candid exchange between today’s youth goes on. It is a web site called MySpace.com. The best way I can describe it or put it in terms that my generation can understand is that when we were much younger there were phone numbers that you could call and there were numerous people talking at the same time trying to “hook up” with other people. It was an archaic version of today’s chat rooms or a prehistoric version of My Space. The biggest difference here is that instead of talking you have to type in your comments and they are recorded there for all to see.
This can be very enlightening if you are a parent and you are curious about what your kids are up to, and more importantly, what the kids that your kids are hanging out with are up to. That is, of course, that you are computer savvy enough to get to the website, which to be honest, most parents aren’t or don’t care enough about their kid’s lives to explore. Unfortunately for our kids, we are that savvy and they hate the fact that we can get there. But as anyone who uses this venue should be aware of, the Internet is public domain, and if you write something there you need to be aware of the fact that ANYBODY can read it. As I have learned, once you have written it you can’t take it back, so beware.
Believe me going there can be a double-edged sword because it can confirm that the friends that you thought were white hats are actually Eddie Haskell in disguise. On the other hand, the ones that you may have had suspicions about turn out to be the white hats. The key that I have found is the same approach that I adopted with the music, don’t be too judgmental and you will both be fine. Enlightened, but fine.
I’m sorry if some of you kids out there feel that I have tipped your hand as far as this hidden sanctuary is concerned, but hopefully someday you will be parents and care enough to want to know what your kids are up to. We only have a brief period of time to nurture and protect you and some of us will use any means necessary to do it until the last second. Accuse us of meddling or prying, but it is nothing short of love and caring.
And to be honest, your words and thoughts, no matter how disjointed they sometimes are, help keep old farts like me feel young.
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