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If you live in Southern California, and have turned on any news show on TV or radio in the last five weeks, you have undoubtedly heard the tale of “Reggie The Alligator.” The pesky little critter, well at seven feet long maybe not so little, who has defied capture by the City of Los Angeles.
He has taken up residence in the Ken Malloy Regional Park in Harbor City, which is in the area known as the South Bay. He didn’t take up residence there on his own, he was placed there by the idiot who was keeping him as a pet. When Reggie got too big to handle, this fool turned him loose in the park’s lake and has now cost the city thousands of dollars trying to catch him.
This drama has gone on with a parade of different gator wranglers trying to capture him, with the last two entries being the most interesting. The first of these two were a group from an amusement park in Florida called Gatorland, the self-proclaimed “Alligator Capital of The World.” These guys were trying to capture Reggie by throwing out meat and trying to snag him in a net. This is the same thing their three predecessors tried to do without any results. So what made these jokers think they would do any better?
I don’t know what they were planning to do with Reggie once they had him, but in a quick look at the Gatorland Web Site I have a couple of ideas. He would either become part of their gator dog and pony show or end up as merchandise for their gift shop. The gift shop at Gatorland, a place that celebrates all things alligator, has a full range of gifts made from the beast.
Yup, you can get all sorts of trinkets like wallets, belts, boots, money clips, and flasks. Why you can even get a 13” stuffed alligator head, if that’s something you think would match the décor of your home. At 13 inches I am assuming that these gators were pretty young, probably teenagers. They either had bad attitudes or couldn’t be trained for the show.
While the boys from Gatorland were still going through the motions of doing what was done before, in comes Thomas “T-Bone” Quinn, a Katrina evacuee from Louisiana, currently residing at the Dream Center in LA. With some quick smooth talking to Councilwoman Janice Hahn he was asked by her to join the hunt for Reggie. Unfortunately “T-Bone’s” gift for gab penetrated the thin skins of the gator cowboys from Gatorland, saying something along the lines that the pontoon boat that they were using was “retarded”.
So the guys from Gatorland packed up their meat and nets and went home. I’m not sure, and I could be wrong, but I don’t think thin skin is a good quality for someone trying to capture alligators. Their parting bit of advice was to let Reggie stay in the lake, post signs, and rope it off. I guess this could be the beginning of Gatorland West. Thanks for the tip guys, but you can keep the gators down there with you. Even though I don’t live in the South Bay, I would prefer if California remained an alligator free zone.
“T-Bone” spun tales of capturing numerous “Reggies” many times, wrestling with them, and doing them in by stabbing them in the brain. This statement didn’t go over very big with the “gator huggers” in the South Bay who think having an alligator in their local lake cool or cute and applaud all the failed attempts to capture him. “T-Bone” was told to cool his jets for a while until they could do a “background” check to see if he is insured to do this type of work. If he wants the job, insured or not, I say let him have it.
What are these Reggie supporters in the South Bay thinking? I’m not sure, but I think they are completely nuts. They must realize that this is a seven-foot long meat-eating lizard that is capable of killing in a matter of minutes. What makes them think that he is willing to stay in the lake? Ask “T-Bone” or the Gatorland Boys. Gators show up in people’s pools all of the time. This is not some cute fuzzy puppy, it is a beast that can bite your head off. I think they need to find some other wildlife to support and give “T-Bone” a knife and let him stab Reggie in the brain and be done with it.
I really don’t understand the attraction some people find in wanting to get up close and personal with the most dangerous creatures on the planet. I think Steve
Irwin, the Crock Hunter, or whatever he calls himself nowadays, is a complete moron. What kind of fool goes out and searches for the most deadly snakes and then tries to pick them up and handle them? Hey dumb ass, if you want to show us wildlife why not use a high-powered telephoto lens instead of using a stick and your hands, are you that desperate for ratings? Maybe that’s why he took a page out of the Michael Jackson’s Guide to Parenting and dangled his infant son a couple of feet in front of a crocodile’s open mouth. And by the way, if you are such a master at handling and capturing alligators and crocodiles, where have you been for the last five weeks, parenting class?
He is just one of many people who gravitate to these type of things. I personally go out of my way to stay as far away from any life form that can cause me pain or death. It may be a tip of the hat to the cinematic skills of Steven Spielberg, but I haven’t gone into the ocean since 1975 when “Jaws” was released. The fact that there are vacation packages that include swimming with the sharks is a complete mystery to me.
Just like the mystery that takes place in San Antonio, Florida every year, the Rattlesnake Festival. There is nothing I hate more than snakes, well that, and bad drivers, but snakes are definitely at the top of the list, especially poisonous ones. So when it comes to festivals to attend, you can imagine this one isn’t even on the list. Even though they keep all of the reptiles caged, just the thought that one may slither out while you’re walking around is enough to keep me as far away as possible. As it stands right now, I think 3000 miles is a safe enough distance for me. But if you feel like attending, it’s coming up in October on the 15th & 16th, and it’s FREE!
You know, when you think about it, between the hurricanes, sharks, alligators, and rattlesnakes, why do so many people go to Florida to vacation and retire?
They must have one hell of a tourist board.
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