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As all kids do, my kids are getting older. I sometimes wish there was a special potion that you could give them just before they become teenagers that would have them remain at that age or put them asleep until they hit 20 or so. And yet, I have watched in amazement as they continue to mature into nice young adults. I feel that had my wife and I not kept our fingers on the pulse of what they were doing and who they were hanging out with, it could have become overwhelming during this tumultuous time. Something I hear parents, who were asleep at the wheel when their kids were young, complaining about now.
We are in that prickly time in their lives, the dreaded teenage years, when you have moments of true bliss and periods of absolute madness. If I had realized that all of the things that those who were older than me, who had kids, tried to warn me about would come true, I might have rethought having them as close together as we did. You know, to spread out the torturous moments a little more, or at least prepare me for round two.
As I try to navigate through the rough seas that are the teenage years, I have gained a new found respect for what I put my parents through in this period in my life. My wife’s late mother used to tell my wife while she was growing up and doing something that displeased her, “Just wait until you have teenagers as rotten as you.” A mantra that my wife relives any time there is friction in paradise. Thankfully, while those moments exist, they are few and usually far between. I think being watchful and communicating with our kids is the key.
Every generation views the next as either wild, weird, or at the very least, different. Between each generation things change. Music, technology, and the way that the kids are raised, all play a part in the molding of the next. So the more you divorce or distance yourself from the changes, the more alien the next generation will seem. While I have stayed current on most of the changes that have gone down over the years I, as my son Alex will tell you, have completely missed the boat as far as video games are concerned. Every time I have attempted to play one of these new games with him, he laughs hysterically at my ineptitude as he blasts me to smithereens. Oh, and we thought we were so cutting edge with our Ataris.
The clothes and hair aspects are always fun to watch. Each generation thinks they are doing something new and innovative, mine included, when in reality they are just variations on an old theme. The most recent trend that comes to mind is the pants that all the girls are wearing today. In my teenage years they were called hip huggers, today they are called low-rise jeans. The twist or variation for this generation is that they wear thong underwear that is exposed. In my day they would probably have been arrested for wearing such a thing. But it’s a new time and a new mindset. Time marches on, as does how daring teenagers will go.
From what I have seen as far as the hairstyles go for guys, it is a complete cross section of many of the styles worn over the last forty years. Just like in my dad’s day you’ve got the guys sporting crew cuts and variations on the flat top. Then you have some sporting the long hairstyles from my era. There’s also the group, although much smaller, that have hairstyles from the decade following mine, from the eighties, complete with the neon colors from that time.
Along with watching my kids change and grow, I have watched the metamorphosis of the kids that they have grown up with. Through school, sports, and other outside activities, I’ve gotten to know some of these kids almost as well as my own. Well, at least I’ve gotten a good clue as to their personality traits and what kind of adults I expect them to become. When my kids were in grade school it was a little easier to keep track of, but now that they are in high school, all bets are off. The numbers are too great. With the addition of web sites like myspace.com, we have to really stay on top of who they are associating with. It’s either that or throw caution to the wind and hope for the best.
Call me overprotective, but I have always been one who believes in an ounce of prevention. Which is one of the reasons my wife and I felt that it would be a good idea to get our kids involved in youth sports programs, hopefully to be around parents who were raising their kids like we were. We found many that were. Unfortunately, there were many who didn’t view sports programs as anything more than a form of babysitting. For the most part, the kids whose parents viewed the sport as the latter are the ones whose kids have since abandoned sports and are the ones I see and hear about getting in trouble or are doing drugs.
If there was only some way to screen parents when their kids were young, I might have been able to avoid problems later on down the line. Of course, that is a fantasy unless you spend a lot time with another family. Even if you do, the chances are, you will never be privy to all of the deep dark secrets that that go on behind closed bedroom doors. But I believe that a kid’s behavior is a direct reflection of their parent’s behavior.
If kids never hear the word “no” when being brought up, they will never know the meaning of it when they are a teenager. By the same token, what is a kid to think when they witness their parents bending the rules or flat out breaking them in order to obtain an unfair advantage for their child. Whether it be in life, for the child, or on the sports field?
Of course, a kid is going think that this is acceptable behavior in dealing with others in every facet of their lives. They grow up believing that everything is going to be handed to them. Not only are the parents in the process of raising somebody who will be despised throughout their lives, they are also setting them up for a rude awakening when the day comes that mommy and daddy aren’t there to tip the scales for them.
So parents with young children. be vigilant of who your kids are hanging out with now. It will definitely make teen time a little easier to take.
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