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As anyone who owns a small retail business, or has a family that eats a lot will tell you, we live in the age of the warehouse store. Back when I was a kid we had grocery stores. Which to be honest I never heard anyone complain about. But somebody must have said something because they eventually became supermarkets. Apparently they weren’t super enough because they, in turn, mutated into the warehouse store.
For families, they can be a double-edged sword. Sure, for the things that you need or consume a lot you can shave a sizable amount off of your overall grocery bill. That is, if you are willing to buy in bulk. This can backfire when buying food for your kids. On more than one occasion my kids have done what I refer to as “going cold” on something, which by the way really pisses me off, that they liked a month before. This little exercise is particularly frustrating when buying in bulk. The best you can hope for if this happens is a long fucking shelf life.
For families like ours warehouse stores have become an integral part of our shopping. There are certain things that only make sense nowadays to buy there. If you don’t, you are flat out paying way too fucking much. That is unless there is a sale at Ralph’s and you have a double coupon. This only works if you happen to need what is on sale or you have the room to store it. At least with the warehouse stores you know that certain items will be there at the price that you need. Well most times that is.
Over time, as we have become more entrenched in the warehouse life, I began to realize that not all warehouse stores are created equal. For the last few years we have used two different stores, Sam’s and Costco, and believe me when I tell you they are not the same. They may look the same and may look like they carry the same products, but they don’t.
I started out going to Sam’s Club back when it was called Price Club, primarily because it was geographically close to my home. That went on for quite a while until I started hearing about Costco from my in-laws. Initially I assumed that they were the same, and then I went there. On the surface they appeared to be the same, but there were subtle differences, enough so that I felt compelled to get a Costco card in addition to my Sam’s Club card.
OK let’s start breaking it down. Costco has far and away a better selection of food, video, and pharmacy products. Some things though are very much bulk purchases. For example, if you want to buy a single gallon of milk Costco is not the place for you, Sam’s is. If you want a more exotic selection of fresh meats, fish, and pre-made fresh foods, Sam’s is not the place to go, Costco is. Get it?
One thing that I have also noticed is that when you go to a Costco, any Costco, everything is always in the same god damned place. For some fucking bizarre reason the dumbshits at Sam’s feel the need to continually move things around. It seems like every time I go there their idiotic merchandising staff thinks they’re being fucking creative by changing the location of the products. Look morons, most people don’t like change to begin with, they like it even less when shopping.
For a long time, as if to add insult to frustration, the management at Sam’s instructed its checkers to ask the customers “Did you find everything OK today?” They still may ask it, but not to me. Having gone to every checker that works there more than once and responding to their little question in the negative every time, I think they gave up. They probably have my member picture on the wall next to the time clock with a caption underneath it saying, “Don’t ask the fucking question.”
Another deciding factor on which store to choose, especially in these gas conscious times, is geography. As I mentioned earlier I began with Sam’s because it was closer by a long shot. Once I got on board with Costco I was faced with a different dilemma, I had three to choose from. So the question was, how badly did I need the products they offered compared with where I had to go to get them?
Living in Temple City my three Costco choices are Alhambra, Montebello, or Irwindale. With all of these stores being the same, which means that once there I can expect three things; tons of people, parking is a nightmare, and long check out lines, which do I choose? Well let’s see where I would have to drive to get there.
I can try Montebello, which is the second closest, but driving up or down Rosemead Boulevard for any extended period of time is unpleasant at best. Then there is Irwindale, the furthest of the three, but if you take side streets it can actually be the closet time wise, and the easiest to get out of.
Then there is Alhambra, the closest to my home. Unfortunately, getting there is perhaps the most frustrating. Driving through San Gabriel and Alhambra is like driving through the bowels of hell. It doesn’t matter what fucking route you try to take, they are all equal in their “this sucks” quotient.
They should just put a wall up around the whole fucking area, like they did in the movie “Escape from New York”, but instead of housing dangerous criminals use it to house the shithead bad drivers. The area seems to be a breeding ground for the fucking driving challenged and they should be prevented from spreading to the neighboring communities. And when other fucking bad drivers of their degree are found, they should be forced to live there, driving in the hell of their own design. That said, Irwindale wins.
There is one very interesting phenomenon that Sam’s and Costco both share, but for some reason is different at both places. Both feel the need to feed the masses by passing out food samples. I understand the reason is to get you to buy whatever they are pushing that week. When I first entered the warehouse world it seemed harmless enough. But as time has gone on, it has morphed into a twisted beast all of its own. At times it seems as though people bring their entire fucking families to feed and not shop. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen a family of four with one item in their cart going from food station to food station chowing down like a bunch of fucking animals at the zoo.
I guess that may account for the mindset of the people, or food gremlins as I like to call them, who are passing out the food. At Sam’s they seem almost protective of the food. If a child walks up and are not accompanied by a parent, the chances are they won’t pass out a sample. They want to make sure that every scrap they pass out goes to a member of the buying public. The point they are missing is that the kids are the ones that dictate what their parents buy. This mindset is apparently not lost on the food gremlins at Costco.
At Costco they don’t give a shit and this is not lost on their clientele. The crowds that gather around their food stations make Sam’s pale by comparison. I have never seen so many people crowed in such a fucking small area to get a piece of a hot dog dipped in barbeque sauce. My fucking lord, you would think they were passing out lobster or gold.
This is why I fucking hate the practice to begin with. You see, silly fucking me, I go there to fucking shop, not feed my face. All this does for my shopping experience is slow it the fuck down, well slower than it already is. With most people being the rude bastards that they are already, when they see the food stations, it’s as though they are hypnotized. They abandon their carts in the middle of aisles, marching toward the food like lemmings to the sea.
If you have never ventured into the warehouse world I hope this has given you a glimpse as to where to go and what to expect. Remember this, if you don’t mind the wait there is no need to pack a lunch, well that is unless you are driving to fucking Alhambra.
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