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This week as I was out and about, it struck me as to how many people are raising kids devoid of any restrictions, discipline, or manners. All you have to do is look around you the next time you are in a grocery store or at a restaurant to see the beginnings of what will become everybody's nightmare in the future.
What I am referring to here is the little ones in tow with their parents. The ones who think that wherever they are is their own personal playground. They run wild in the aisles as their parents stand idly by apparently thinking their actions are cute or endearing.
I have never understood that mindset on the part of parents. When my kids were young, I would never even think to let them run around unsupervised. Even though I saw quite a few unruly children back then, it seems as though in recent years, the number has grown.
I can't remember the last time I walked through a grocery store without having to avoid some kid running a collision course with the shoppers in the aisles. That or one who has taken a large inflatable ball from a display in the store for the purpose of having an impromptu game of soccer with whatever other unsupervised young heathens are available. The only thing that could make either one of these scenes worse is if the little hellion is wearing those tiny sneakers equipped with wheels. What would make it better is if their parents used the "N" word, that would be NO.
It is obvious that these kids have never heard the word in their lives and nowhere is the example more visible then when junior is taken out to dinner with his parents. I am not saying that parents with small children should never leave the house, but you should know your child and it's behavior after a couple of years. If you know that your child is going to be screaming, yelling, and require constant entertainment throughout your attempt to eat dinner, how much fun can that be for you?
Well, I can tell you from experience, most recently the other night at Margarita's Restaurant, it is not fun for the rest of us. Sure, some people on a higher plane than me might be able to shrug it off and still enjoy their meal through little Johnny's tirade, but I guess I have not reached that level of enlightenment yet. By the expressions on the faces of my fellow diners that night I wasn't alone.
I know that some of you are probably thinking it's not all the parents' fault that their kids act like the spawn of the devil. Some kids are just born bad, you know, like Damien. I'm sure that's true. I know plenty of people who have raised a brood of kids who were absolute angels with the exception of that "one" who everyone agrees needs therapy. But those situations you can count on one hand, which means the rest definitely are not due to some genetic flaw, at least not in the kids.
If it is not the kids, then what could it be? Drugs, Karma, or past lives? Nope. I'm afraid not. What that leaves are the people who are raising them. As much as we, we as in any of us who have kids, want to deny it, the majority of bad traits our kids develop are our fault.
I'm no expert or even a pretend expert, like say Dr. Phil, and as much as I hate to admit it, when I see one of my kids do something that makes me crazy, it's usually a variation of something in myself that I don't like. Even though it was not something that I taught them consciously, when they are young, they are like sponges and pick up on the way that we act. So when it surfaces later on to bite you in the ass, you can't really be surprised. The flip side of that coin is that along the way with the bad things they pick up, they also pick up some of your good as well.
Like I said, I'm no child rearing expert, but I have to admit that my kids have turned out pretty good so far. How that happened, I don't know, dumb luck I guess. Maybe it was by finding some middle ground that we could all live with. My wife and I never put a stranglehold on them, and at the other end of the spectrum, we never let them run wild in the streets either.
Whatever "it" is, I'm going to keep doing it. It kind of falls under the heading of, if it's not broken, don't fix it. At this point in time, now that my kids are teenagers, the mold has been cast and I don't think I could change it now if I wanted to.
Over the years I have seen a lot of examples of what not to do, in particular with people who had kids that were a few years older than mine. A majority have turned out to be some of the most well rounded and nice kids I have ever met. Unfortunately, there are those who appear to be raised by wolves and have turned out to be carbon copies of the pack that they were raised by. In short, if you are raised by a psychotic, the chances are you will become one.
In many cases, the most screwed up kids I have seen are the ones that have been over controlled by their parents. They either held the reins way too tight, used intimidation, or were pushed to excel to the point where instead of loving their parents they were fucking terrified of them. It is a sad way to grow up. Afraid to fail for fear of punishment. Sad, but it happens.
Most of the kids who I felt in my gut would turn out bad, have. You could see in their teenage years the type of adults they were going to be. Now that some of them are over 18 years old and considered adults, the chances are the behavior that they demonstrate now will be with them for the rest of their lives.
So when I have the misfortune to have to interact with one that is say, some fucking bi-polar nut job, I try to keep it brief. Kind of the same way I rush through my dinner at a restaurant when I have a screaming baby in the booth next to me who is juggling and throwing spoons for entertainment.
While you may think the 18 years that you have to raise and mold your kids is a long time, trust me, it goes by in the blink of an eye. Are there things that I would have done differently? Of course. There is not a parent out there who wouldn't want to make their child a better human being if they had the chance. There is no perfect science to raising children, all you can do is give it your best shot.
While I would never be so arrogant as to give any young parents advice on how to raise their kids, I will give you this, a few lines from a song by a group called .38 Special which seems appropriate. Take it for what it's worth.
Just Hold On Loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly
you're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
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