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In the network television world, the one we don’t have to pay for, everything revolves around periods of time they refer to as “sweeps”. During these times the shows are new and great steps are taken by all involved to get you to watch their shows.
When the glorious sweeps are over and have been swept away we, the poor viewing public, are left with the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel. Sure for a fleeting time you have the NBA Finals, but when you don’t have a hometown team in the hunt who really cares all that much.
You also have baseball, which is always good as long as your teams, the Dodgers or Angels in this area, are winning. Last year after the second half began I just threw in the towel, as the teams just seemed to implode. Not only that, as far as the Angels are concerned, when the result of their little naming drama ends up with a listing in the TV Guide that under its description says “The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim at Anaheim Stadium in Anaheim” is just plain goofy. By the time I was done reading it the game was over.
But with sporting events there really isn’t a schedule or a regimen to follow like there is with a normal weekly offering. It doesn’t matter what floats your boat, sitcoms, dramas, game shows, educational shows, or even the dreaded home improvement shows. Once you have gotten into the groove of expecting them on at a certain time you feel disoriented when the plug is abruptly pulled when sweeps ends.
For those of us who take our television viewing seriously, we of course have cable or satellite TV. Maybe I should rephrase that, for those of us who watch TV and like being in touch with what is going on in the real world, have cable or satellite TV. If you rely solely on the information and fare that the network stations dish out you may as well be living in a cave. Cable TV has a tendency to balance out the entertainment and information base. If it didn’t it wouldn’t continue to flourish and grow.
Unfortunately, cable TV marches to the same sweeps drummer that the networks do, so when the repeat monster hits one it hits the other. By the same token, that means that when one starts dishing up “new” shows that were deemed not good enough to be aired during the regular season so goes it with the other. They try to lend them an air of importance by calling them “summer replacements”, but I refer to them by another name, “shit”.
Feast or famine is the best way to describe it. During the regular season they bombard you with so many shows that you are forced to make decisions about which shows to watch. You can gamble on the new ones, while juggling established favorites, with the hopes that if you invest the time the show will survive its first season.
It doesn’t always pay off, especially as far as the network shows go. Unfortunately they are more ratings driven than quality driven. That means that regardless of how well made the show may be if it doesn’t have high enough ratings it gets the ax, regardless of how the public may feel.
In my house, we pick and choose what to watch at the beginning of the new season sometimes watching one while recording two others at the same time. It can become absolutely mind boggling when looking at the new week’s TV guide when trying to keep things straight for the week.
My wife, Stacey, in order to keep things organized, had taken to circling the shows we liked to watch so we didn’t accidentally miss anything. I think that it may be time to look into one of those
Tivos. That’s just what I need, another god damned piece of electronic equipment that I would have to learn how to operate and pay a monthly fee to use. At this time of year though that wouldn’t be a problem considering how slim the pickings are.
Even with all of the shows that we do watch, we still end up missing many that we would like to see. We tell ourselves that we will catch them in repeats. What ends up happening more times than not is when we turn on one of these shows it happens to be one of the two episodes that we already saw.
There are a couple of shows at this time of year that are worth your time if you are so inclined but they are few and far between. If you are one of those hold outs that still think that cable TV is just a passing phase and still don’t have it, I’m afraid you are out of luck. I’ll get to what’s new for you to watch out there in a minute.
If you are into dramas you’ve got The Closer and Rescue Me, both of which you are safe investing time in because they have already made it past the dreaded first season curse. They are also on cable and have loyal followings and in cable land that is the equivalent to big ratings. Not to mention the fact that both are excellent shows.
Is comedy what you are looking for? My wife’s current fave is “Kathy Griffin’s: My Life on the D List” on the Bravo Channel. I have never been a big Kathy Griffin fan, she’s a fairly well known comedienne, but I must admit, so far the show is very funny. It basically gives you a glimpse into her private and professional life. Again, I am not what you would call a fan of reality TV, but there is enough of her stand up comedy mixed in to make it more interesting than most shows of its ilk.
Looking to broaden your horizons and see food you have never seen before? How about an intelligent dialogue laced with humor to go with it? If that sounds like something you would like a taste of try “Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” on the Travel Channel. Bourdain, a chef, restaurant owner, and author, takes us on an eclectic hour-long journey every week to far away countries. Being the maverick that he is he doesn’t hit the usual tourist hot spots, instead going to places far off the beaten path where tourists never venture. It is educational and funny at the same time.
The one shinning star out there right now is on the A & E Channel. If you want to be completely mystified and baffled tune in to watch “Criss Angel: Mindfreak”. Remember when David Blaine used to perform illusions that made us say “wow” instead of ones that make us say “why?” Well Criss Angel has upped that wow factor by 100 times. He leaves you saying, “How the hell did he do that”?
Blaine wowed us by levitating himself a foot off the ground. Angel, in his season opener, levitated himself from one building to another. If somebody out there knows how he does any of his astonishing feats I would sure like to hear from you because I haven’t got a clue.
What’s new back on the network stations? Three “reality” shows. The only one worth even considering is “Hell’s Kitchen” only because of the lead character Chef Gordon Ramsay. If you think American Idol’s Simon Cowell is a rude and abrasive asshole check out Ramsay some night. He’s like Cowell on an amphetamine binge. You find yourself watching to see if during one of his tirades he has a stroke.
Other than that you have “So You Think You Can Dance?” and “Last Comic Standing” both of which are lame dancing and comedy versions of American Idol and in my opinion not worth picking up the remote to watch. “Dance” in particular truly smacks of desperation and you would be hard pressed to find a worse idea for a show.
That would be unless you happened to notice in the television listings on the A & E Channel the absolutely worst idea for a show that I have ever seen. That would be the “Rock-Paper-Scissors Championship”. No, I swear, I did not make that up. It was not only on during primetime, but the prize for winning was, are you ready, $50,000! Give me a break.
I had to put it on for a couple of minutes to make sure it wasn’t a fucking joke or a misprint. But there it was, grown adults under the bright lights playing the asinine hand game as though they were in a heavyweight prizefight. How could anyone at any network think that this was a good idea? My wife is still wondering how you train for such a stupid event. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Maybe it was really one of Criss Angel’s new illusions.
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