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I am not telling any tales out of school when I say that in our world today we are surrounded by stupidity. It’s like a virus that is spreading and gradually infecting all aspects of our lives. Unfortunately there is no vaccine or drug that can correct it. As comedian Ron White says, “Stupid is forever.”
I don’t know about you, but I can’t walk out of my front door or turn on my TV without being hit in the face with it. There are days when I have shaken my head so many times in sheer disbelief of what I am seeing that I think my head is going to fall off. Maybe it would be better if it did, that way I would be on an even plane with the idiots that were making me shake it to begin with.
Many people confuse the inability to speak English with people being stupid. No, no, no. There have been many times when I have attempted to break the language barrier and with a little effort have discovered that it was a language thing and not a stupidity thing. By the same token, with an equal amount of effort, you can also tell when you are trying to communicate with someone who not only does not speak the national language but also is stupid to boot. The dreaded double whammy.
The advertising agencies feed off of the stupidity that abounds and why not? They have an incredibly large audience out there for them to service. Stupid people buy all sorts of things. Just think about how many Pet Rocks or Vanilla Ice records were sold.
While there have been numerous stupid products that have come out since the aforementioned, one that I stumbled on just recently really had me saying, “What?”
As my wife was looking through our Sunday LA Times, she came to the new coupon advertisements. She stopped and was staring at disbelief at one of the ads. Knowing her looks and expressions, I could tell she was looking at something unbelievable or at least very odd. When I asked what she was looking at she handed me the ad while saying “I don’t believe it”.
The ad was for a new product for your dog from the makers of the dog snack “Snausages”. This new tasty dog treat, I am assuming tasty because I haven’t tried them yet, is called “Fortune Snookies”. This new addition to their dog treat empire sports sayings on each snack. Cute little phrases like, “Rover, Rover, Send Snookies Right Over” and “Forget The Stick, Toss Me A Snookie”.
I don’t know about your dog, but mine, at least as far as I know, does not read. I have never seen or even heard about one that does. I did see one that could say, “I love you”, well sort of, on TV but they didn’t mention anything about him being able to read.
Unless I am mistaken the reason they didn’t mention anything about it is simple, BECAUSE DOGS DON’T READ! So what marketing genius came up with the brilliant idea to put words on a dog treat? I’m guessing the crack team that came up with the rest of the insane ideas that make up their product line.
So what else do the good folks at “Snausages” have to offer our canine friends? We could begin with the original, which was the catalyst for the rest of this stupid line of products, the original “Snausage”. If ever there was a product that should have failed right out of the box and didn’t, this was it.
Can you picture the meeting that took place when developing the product? “What we need is a treat in shapes of something dogs like” was probably the mandate from management, and then put to a think tank of dog treat experts. “Steaks, nope been done. Fish, no too cat like and besides dogs don’t like fish or so I have heard. Hamburgers, well maybe. Wait I know, Hot Dogs! That’s it!”
When I first saw these over priced miniscule snacks I said to myself “There is know way in hell I am going to spend that much money on a snack that small.” They may be big enough to satisfy a Chihuahua or one of those miniature “almost a dog”, but I would have to feed my dog an entire bag to satisfy her. Maybe if they came out with ones that were the size of an actual hot dog, I might consider it. The shape thing for some reason still bugged me; I was not going to be sucked in by some cutesy shape regardless of the size or price.
Apparently there were a lot of dog owners who were easily seduced by the shape of a mini wiener and with too much money in their pockets and bought them up. The dinky dogs were selling enough to keep the business floating and those highly imaginative think tankers thinking of more stupid shapes.
Next tapping into the culinary desires of our dogs, and knowing all dogs crave Italian food, they came up with “Roverolis”. That, of course, would be ravioli shaped treats that again, according to them, taste like beef and cheese with an Italian aroma. Sadly my dog prefers Dim Sum and Chinese food so she probably wouldn’t eat them unless they were dumpling or noodle shaped.
As we all know seasonal changes are very important to our dogs. That is why the “Snausages” folks felt the need to come out with Fall/Winter season shapes, pumpkins and snowmen. Dogs just love pumpkins and snowmen. Of course in the same bag you get football shaped treats because again, most dogs are avid football fans. Unfortunately, my dog is more of a summer dog so we will have to wait for the surfboard, bikini, and baseball shapes to come out when things heat back up.
I don’t know what dogs these “Snausage” guys were talking to but they have no clue as to what dogs truly like to eat. The top of the list is, of course, bones, which “Milkbones” have had covered for years. Next, at least on my dog’s list and every other dog I have owned or known, would be birds, lizards, and their own poop. Not necessarily in that order. Although I doubt these three shapes would be big sellers.
If you picked up one thing from this article, dogs are not the ones that all of the shapes and tastes are for. It is for the stupid owners of the dogs who think their dogs will be bored if they give them a treat shaped like a bone.
Granted dogs have made great strides in their abilities, being trained as seeing eye dogs and canine police officers. They work sniffing out drugs, people, and just recently CD’s and DVD’s. To my knowledge they have not elevated enough to be trained to shop. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t seen any dogs in line at the grocery store buying anything, no less pumpkin shaped “Snausages”.
That may change though if they come out with a line shaped like lizards, birds, or poop.
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