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With everyone voicing their opinions about what bugs them, myself included, the world as a whole seems to be losing its manners. What was once one of the first lessons our parents taught us has been relegated to the back seat as far as life lessons are concerned.
Some parents still carry the mantle of manners high and make sure that their young ones learn the magic words that make, in my opinion, the world a better place to live in. It also separates us from the rest of the species on the planet. The ability to show that you are thankful for a kindness done makes the difference between the animal kingdom and us. Well that and opposable thumbs.
If you haven’t noticed the absence of civil pleasantries in your day-to-day wanderings it could be because, like most of us, we have become desensitized. That is because they are used so infrequently that we don’t really expect to hear them. When we do, we are shocked.
Just to clarify here, I am not saying that we all must adhere to every nit picky rule that Emily Post laid out and not deviate from them, no, no, no. I am talking about exchanging a few simple words. The magic words as my Grandma Nonie used to call them, “thank you”, “I’m sorry” and “you’re welcome”. And for those of us in the working world the occasional words “Good Job”.
Maybe I am expecting too much from a society that is so self absorbed that the little niceties that were once commonplace have fallen by the wayside. Maybe not. Every once in a while, if you are lucky, you get a glimpse into the past and I for one find it refreshing.
Are you one of those individuals who when entering a business, like the post office for example, you hold the door for someone who is coming in behind you? I am and to be honest I do it religiously. In my mind it is only being polite and it only takes a second.
It doesn’t make any difference whether I am having a bad or a good day, I have just conditioned myself to do it. I think in the back of my mind is the hope that if I continue the practice that it won’t die and the individuals that I have done it for will pick up on it and start doing it for others. Just as it happened in the movie “Pay It Forward”.
Of course that was only a movie and as we all know life does not always imitate art, as much as we would sometimes like it to. It is a lofty notion, but as Alexander Pope once wrote, “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”
Unfortunately Alexander Pope, living in England 300 years ago, probably would have driven a dagger into his breast to remove all hope had he been living in the San Gabriel Valley in 2007. Because only the most stubborn of us continue to hold onto the hope that the civilities that were commonplace in his time, could continue today.
Going back to the example of holding the door for a fellow citizen, if you are one of the few people that does this, when you do it the only thing you expect to hear are the words thank you. Saying those two words takes less time than it takes to hold open the door and it shows gratitude. That gratitude is the key to the equation and is part of what keeps the entire process going.
It can be a battle at times to keep up the good work when that gratitude is not there. What can really make matters worse is when the individual you have just held the door for passes through it as though it was expected or somehow it is your duty or responsibility to do so. After that happened to me for about the 200th time over the last seven years I decided to take it upon myself to educate the violators. I couldn’t tell if I was dealing with the uneducated or the inherently rude but I knew one thing for certain, I was not going to stop doing what I knew in my heart and mind was right.
So when the situation arises, when faced with door rude, and the thank you is not offered up, I immediately continue to the last part of the exchange, which is to tell them “you’re welcome”. This little tactic has proven to be effective in most cases, especially when encountering a repeat offender at the same venue. For those I remember and you still haven’t gotten the message, I’m sorry, that is when I have to shut the door and lock it.
Whenever I am doing my shopping, regardless of the store, I have come to expect that at one point I will be treated to another example of people lacking manners. There are certain things that are a given if you were raised with manners while shopping, the simplest of those being aisle etiquette.
If you come down an aisle where somebody is already perusing the items on a shelf and you must pass in front of them, you say “excuse me”, they in turn respond with a “no problem” or “of course”. This is usually done in a low whisper not unlike talking in a library. Pretty damn simple right?
If it is that simple, which it is, then why do so many of our citizens choose to ignore it? And not just ignore it but take it to a level where it can come to blows. I guess you could call it aisle rage. I have watched as senior citizens who have been faced with the problem talk about it to anyone who will listen all the way to the checkout stand.
What raised their dander to that point is not just the passing in front of them without the “excuse me”, it was something that makes me absolutely insane as well. It was the “my time is more precious than yours” mindset. This manner violation, is when the perpetrator steps right in front of you and acts as if you aren’t even there and usually takes their own sweet time about it.
I am waiting for the day when one of our senior citizens, in a moment of frustrated rage, hauls off and chucks a can of yams at their head. I, on the other hand, usually muster up my best Steve Martin impersonation and let loose in a volume akin to a jet engine, a voluminous “Excuuuuse Meeee”. This not only gets their attention, but they are usually so startled that they drop the two or three cans they were looking at and scamper away like a frightened bunny rabbit. With this little exercise I have never seen a repeat offender.
So I hope you will join me in my ongoing efforts to help enlighten those who were less fortunate in their up bringing so that they can lead a more polite existence. It can only benefit us all, if in no other way then to lower the blood pressure of those of us who know how to act in society
And if you have not experienced these problems, you either don’t live in the San Gabriel Valley or you never leave your house.
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