|
Now that Paris has gone into seclusion, who does the Los Angeles media machine turn to in their time of need? The now pregnant and still facing jail time Nicole Richie? Naw, she has been and always will be a Paris wanna be. Besides, regardless of what weight she is at, she is not very attractive.
No, after all the trials and tribulations of the jailbird in the iron bar cage, they needed a positive celebrity to fawn over and pursue. Someone who would not flinch in the glare of the flashing lights of the paparazzi. Who could they find in this day and age that would fill the bill? They needed a hero.
Thanks to the LA Galaxy soccer team they didn’t have to wait long. As soon as Paris had broken free from the chains that bound her, and did her interview with Larry King, it felt like a plane landed and off stepped LA’s next hero and soccer legend, the one, the only, David Beckham.
Unless you are a hardcore soccer fan, your response was probably the same as most people in LA who were surveyed before his arrival, David who? This response was despite the fact that he plays the most popular game on the majority of the planet and he is considered the best, if not a god.
 The man, known in his home country of England by the nicknames Becks, Goldenballs, and DB7 was to be our new superhero. His job here in Southern California is to score goals in a single bound and elevate soccer in the United States to the untold heights it has in Europe and the rest of the world. A stiff order to say the least. But if anyone can do it, it is Goldenballs.
With his trusty sidekick and wife Victoria, a.k.a. Posh Spice, at his side, he will be able to fight off the throngs of paparazzi and complete his mission for the LA Galaxy soccer organization at the same time. If he is successful, the Southern California landscape will never be the same.
His five-year mission comes at a price, a stiff price even in the overpriced worlds of sports and entertainment, $250 million. The Galaxy is not worried though, the Becks is a proven merchandising machine. They are betting that before he scores his first goal they will make all of that money back selling jerseys, balls, and capes with his name on them.
While no neophyte when it comes to the media and his own self-promotion, this is where his sidekick, Posh, really stands out in this equation. Since their marriage in 1999 the couple’s celebrity stock has risen dramatically. Becks has written and published three books, all about himself and sometimes Posh. He also has his own cologne, online fanzine, and their three sons have celebrity godparents in Elton John and Elizabeth Hurly. While she doesn’t publicly take any credit for these “achievements” it is interesting that they all occurred after their nuptials.
There is no question that Posh has risen the ability to handle and manipulate the ever present paparazzi and media to an art form. The former Spice Girl and future Spice Mom, the Spice Girls are reuniting for an album and tour, should really change her moniker to Super Spice. That, for her ability to satisfy the usually insatiable paparazzi with all the photographs they can handle with an almost robotic finesse. With their combined powers they could rule the sports universe, well at least the Galaxy.
The timing couldn’t be better on Beck’s and the Galaxy’s part. With the absence of pro football in Los Angeles for the last 13 years, the time is right. Right that is if you can teach all of those abandoned football souls the ins and outs of the game of soccer. That is going to be harder than it sounds. Take it from somebody who has tried.
Just like many parents with young kids, my wife and I got caught up in the world of AYSO soccer. Like so many parents we spent many a morning and afternoon watching the kids run up and down the field while trying to figure out what the hell we were watching. This, while parents in the know, mostly of Hispanic decent, seemed to know exactly what was going on. The language barrier prevented me from asking questions like, “What the hell was that?” thus preventing my further education from those who seemed to know.
My wife and I consider ourselves to be fairly intelligent people, but when it came to this game we were baffled. As the years went by we began to understand some of the aspects of it. Although I have a hard time getting into and watching a game that (a) I don’t fully understand and (b) lasts for 40 minutes and can end in a 0 to 0 tie. Sorry, I gave it my best shot. I have to say that one of the best days of my life was the day my kids stopped playing soccer. I spend too much of my time being confused about other things without adding learning about soccer to the mix.
So the team of Goldenballs and Super Spice has their work cut out for them. But if ever there was a team of Super Heroes that have the powers for the challenge, they are the ones to do it. Unfortunately, for the publicity super duo, despite the lack of a football team here in LA, the rest of the country is not experiencing the same dilemma. And I don’t see anywhere in the foreseeable future the rest of the country giving up their pigskins for the round black and white ball.
But wait! This just in! Goldenballs has just re-injured his old ankle injury suffered in his battles in Madrid and may not be able to begin his conquest of the United States as scheduled. Will this mean the end of the dream of soccer domination in America before it begins? What about Super Spice? Will she have to go on tour with the Spice Moms and leave Goldenballs to face the press by himself? Who will watch the kids?
Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter in the adventures of Goldenballs and Super Spice, coming soon to a media outlet near you!
|
